Battling the Blubber Monster

It's a new dawn... it's a new day... it's a new life for me and I'm feeling good! (Michael Buble)
Woke up ready to tackle my lack of fitness motivation.  The other lacking motivations will just have to take a number.  I can really only be held responsible for one thing at a time.  Downloaded MyFitnessPal to my blackberry and got my fat rear end on the treadmill.  Calculated out the nutritional value in my morning coffee and entered it into the program.  I'm on a roll, now I just have to keep this going.....

It was a bit of a wake up call when I found myself shopping for new Spanx yesterday.  That in itself isn't the frightening part... I already own some... and I was looking for a different pair to go under a dress I just bought.  I mean, there's nothing wrong with a little smoothing helper to make you look and feel your best.  I've had kids, things aren't where they used to be and the texture of my fleshy parts is... well... FRIGHTENING!  But why, oh why can't I just get my act together and give myself the advantage of losing the 5lbs it will take to make me feel that much more confident in this sassy little red number?  No... not me... I try to take the more expensive and lazy way out. 

Well not today!  Today I already put in the treadmill time before breakfast!  So there blubber monster... today, you lose!

Such a scaredy cat

Doesn't it feel good to have a plan?  I always feel relieved when I come up with an elaborate plan even if I have no clue how to force myself to follow through.  It's like my brain just needs to know that in fact, I am capable of thinking strategically even if my adherence is less than 50%.  Things seem to fall into place more easily and my stress level subsides greatly. 
So now that I have this new "plan" what on earth do I do with it?  Follow it? Well, duh.  Mustering up the courage is a whole other kettle of fish!  I know exactly what I need to do... this should be so simple! Why is it that I can't take the first steps?  Day by day, I find legitimate (or otherwise) excuses of why I should put it off until tomorrow.  I am really hoping that by the end of this week I can proudly say that there is no going back, that I am fearlessly moving forward into the unknown! 

but... I will probably wait until Friday...

Oh yes... current weight: 172.2 (down from 176.6 last week!!)

Dance to the music... and don't stop

I know I am not the only one who watched 60 minutes last night... but this really resonated with me, "At the end of the day all we will ever have is memories. That's it. You have to make as many as you can. Memories... That's all." John Gotti. 
We all KNOW this is true, but how often does life get in the way or we're just too busy in our day to day lives to remember to take advantage of every single moment we have?  The busy stuff is just noise.  We're not going to look back with joy on folding laundry or tear up at the thought of having dinner ready on time.  Are those things important?? Sure... but if the day to day stuff is being accomplished at the cost of experiencing more... well in my opinion, it can wait.  Opportunities to spend quality time with the people we love are endless.  Somehow they seem to slip right on by without notice. 
Look around you for inspiration.  Find a project to work on at home as a family, get outside and just enjoy the shape of the clouds.  Stand outside in a downpour and listen and notice just how loud the rain can get, stomp in the puddles.  Go for a walk, notice the bees dancing from flower to flower and savor the dizzy flight.  Go to the park and don't watch your children play, swing with them!  When was the last time you felt that rush?  Build a blanket fort in the living room.  Giggle!  As often as possible! 
At the end of the day we are all tired, we are all stressed, there is always a reason to mentally check out.  The more you succumb, the harder it will be to drag yourself out.  Break the cycle now, you won't regret it!

My plea to you is: DON'T ALLOW THOSE MOMENTS GO BY!
There is no reasonable excuse. 

Oh yeah, and I am currently at 173... ugh... but I am trying again and that's what counts!

Dear ankle,


Although I am well aware that you are attached to a very stubborn person, you no longer have the right to that personality trait. I grow impatient with your unwillingness to heal and I will no longer succomb to your constant complaints. Slightly higher in geography is a gluteous maximus that grows in girth everyday that you refuse to comply with my exercise requirements.
Seriously, enough already!

Need to lose weight? Don't hide the scale!

I've been feeling my weight start to creep up little by little so what did I do about it?  I put the scale away in the cupboard!!  WHAT?!!!  Still not sure why that made sense at the time but I know it didn't help me in my weight loss quest!  Yeah, so this morning when I got dressed and my clothes rebelled and cried out in agony as I tried to force them over my expanding body I decided it was time.  Time to get serious, time to get back in the game.  Drag out the scale and dust it off.  Stepped once and closed my eyes... opened one and forced my gaze down to the neon display.  NO!  Can't be!  It's been in the cupboard on it's side, it needs to reset... yeah, that's gotta be it.  Let it reset and step again.  Hmmm... that's still not right.  Again... ok, ok, I get it!  I have ignored, nay, beaten down the little voice that tried to warn me.  And here I am with plenty more of me to show for it.

176.4

Anyway, I am trying to incorporate my new inspiration seeking goal as often as possible. The 'everyday' part of it isn't happening yet... but I'll get there. My family has been doing our best to have new experiences and adventures and we've been pretty successful.

Here's to finding your inspirations, cheers!

The small things

My goals for 2011:
Since this very well may be the last full year the human race survives on this planet (end of Mayan calendar), I have only one goal.  Find inspiration.  Everday.  Simply.

Footnote to said goal is to document; in picture, in writing, in expressed love and joy.

You might think this sounds like a severe case of ADD, but to me this is really living. Every moment.

I challenge you to do the same, it might be more difficult than you think.  Slowing down long enough to recognize the beauty all around is the real challenge to be overcome. The rest is easy... just enjoy.

One year... 36 lbs

Just about a year ago I finally got fed up with the sheer volume of how much of me there was to love.  We had just moved, hubs was on the job hunt yet again, and life was full of unexpected twists and turns.  I wasn't able to keep up.  Everyday my body ached and cried out for less to lug around.  I was lonely and depressed.  So the journey began.  Lets see what worked and didn't...
*Bought treadmill and good shoes...
Definitely helped jump start things.  Thank goodness for Netflix and networks who stream their shows.  The distraction would keep me on for up to 90 mins at a time.  Shoes that I liked and felt good certainly gave me one less reason why I didn't want to.  Finding the time wasn't always easy, but then again I love to make excuses.
*Started taking multi vitamins...
On the advice of a friend, I tried Spark (Advocare) first.  Yes it initially gave me energy, and an annoying stomach ache.  After a week or two the effects wore off and I gave up.  Researched various nutrients and minerals with emphasis on women's health, weight loss, and depression.  Found a formula that seemed to have a nice balance of what I felt would be important to me.  I could feel a subtle difference overall and do think this helped get my chemistry balanced.
*Found a local meetup.com group...
Depression is a vicious cycle and loneliness was killing me.  Faced my social fears and forced myself out of the house.  While there are MANY benefits to working at home, social interaction is not one of them.  I was so lucky to find a group of women that were welcoming and had similar interests right off the bat.  I know this isn't typical and sometimes it takes many tries and I was prepared for the trial and error. 
*Got a walking partner...
As the spring and summer allowed, I got out there with a friend and walked away our issues.  Talk about inexpensive therapy!!  I think most of our walks were spent airing our grievances about husbands, kids, our thighs, life in general.  But at least we had a healthy release and we both felt soooo much better every single time.  We also shared so many epiphanies about health and weight loss and mental blocks.  This step in my healthy journey was by far the most effective.
*Water, water, more water...
I find that if I have a glass of water with a straw in it at the ready, I will drink it without a second thought.  Peeing all day is a little annoying, but I watched the scale tip in my favor almost every day.  There are many times that I start slacking on the water and the stubbornness of the needle on the scale is proof positive that water and LOTS of it is essential.

Yes I still have my struggles and challenges.  Yes I still have dark and lonely days, but more often I have good ones.  I am 36 lbs lighter (as of this morning) and I have clothes that fit.  I don't end everyday in pain.  I don't need medications to make me feel normal (I was teetering for a time).  I can find small victories everyday and even sometimes... joy!

I'm a work in progress and I always will be.  But I like me.