Recovering Fat-a-holic

Battling the Blubber Monster

2011-03-23T09:44:00.000-07:00

It's a new dawn... it's a new day... it's a new life for me and I'm feeling good! (Michael Buble)
Woke up ready to tackle my lack of fitness motivation. The other lacking motivations will just have to take a number. I can really only be held responsible for one thing at a time. Downloaded MyFitnessPal to my blackberry and got my fat rear end on the treadmill. Calculated out the nutritional value in my morning coffee and entered it into the program. I'm on a roll, now I just have to keep this going.....

It was a bit of a wake up call when I found myself shopping for new Spanx yesterday. That in itself isn't the frightening part... I already own some... and I was looking for a different pair to go under a dress I just bought. I mean, there's nothing wrong with a little smoothing helper to make you look and feel your best. I've had kids, things aren't where they used to be and the texture of my fleshy parts is... well... FRIGHTENING! But why, oh why can't I just get my act together and give myself the advantage of losing the 5lbs it will take to make me feel that much more confident in this sassy little red number? No... not me... I try to take the more expensive and lazy way out.

Well not today! Today I already put in the treadmill time before breakfast! So there blubber monster... today, you lose!

Such a scaredy cat

2011-02-22T07:50:00.000-08:00

Doesn't it feel good to have a plan? I always feel relieved when I come up with an elaborate plan even if I have no clue how to force myself to follow through. It's like my brain just needs to know that in fact, I am capable of thinking strategically even if my adherence is less than 50%. Things seem to fall into place more easily and my stress level subsides greatly.
So now that I have this new "plan" what on earth do I do with it? Follow it? Well, duh. Mustering up the courage is a whole other kettle of fish! I know exactly what I need to do... this should be so simple! Why is it that I can't take the first steps? Day by day, I find legitimate (or otherwise) excuses of why I should put it off until tomorrow. I am really hoping that by the end of this week I can proudly say that there is no going back, that I am fearlessly moving forward into the unknown!

but... I will probably wait until Friday...

Oh yes... current weight: 172.2 (down from 176.6 last week!!)

Dance to the music... and don't stop

2011-02-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

I know I am not the only one who watched 60 minutes last night... but this really resonated with me, "At the end of the day all we will ever have is memories. That's it. You have to make as many as you can. Memories... That's all." John Gotti.
We all KNOW this is true, but how often does life get in the way or we're just too busy in our day to day lives to remember to take advantage of every single moment we have? The busy stuff is just noise. We're not going to look back with joy on folding laundry or tear up at the thought of having dinner ready on time. Are those things important?? Sure... but if the day to day stuff is being accomplished at the cost of experiencing more... well in my opinion, it can wait. Opportunities to spend quality time with the people we love are endless. Somehow they seem to slip right on by without notice.
Look around you for inspiration. Find a project to work on at home as a family, get outside and just enjoy the shape of the clouds. Stand outside in a downpour and listen and notice just how loud the rain can get, stomp in the puddles. Go for a walk, notice the bees dancing from flower to flower and savor the dizzy flight. Go to the park and don't watch your children play, swing with them! When was the last time you felt that rush? Build a blanket fort in the living room. Giggle! As often as possible!
At the end of the day we are all tired, we are all stressed, there is always a reason to mentally check out. The more you succumb, the harder it will be to drag yourself out. Break the cycle now, you won't regret it!

My plea to you is: DON'T ALLOW THOSE MOMENTS GO BY!
There is no reasonable excuse.

Oh yeah, and I am currently at 173... ugh... but I am trying again and that's what counts!

2011-01-24T10:32:00.000-08:00

Dear ankle,

Although I am well aware that you are attached to a very stubborn person, you no longer have the right to that personality trait. I grow impatient with your unwillingness to heal and I will no longer succomb to your constant complaints. Slightly higher in geography is a gluteous maximus that grows in girth everyday that you refuse to comply with my exercise requirements.
Seriously, enough already!

Need to lose weight? Don't hide the scale!

2011-01-19T10:37:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling my weight start to creep up little by little so what did I do about it? I put the scale away in the cupboard!! WHAT?!!! Still not sure why that made sense at the time but I know it didn't help me in my weight loss quest! Yeah, so this morning when I got dressed and my clothes rebelled and cried out in agony as I tried to force them over my expanding body I decided it was time. Time to get serious, time to get back in the game. Drag out the scale and dust it off. Stepped once and closed my eyes... opened one and forced my gaze down to the neon display. NO! Can't be! It's been in the cupboard on it's side, it needs to reset... yeah, that's gotta be it. Let it reset and step again. Hmmm... that's still not right. Again... ok, ok, I get it! I have ignored, nay, beaten down the little voice that tried to warn me. And here I am with plenty more of me to show for it.

176.4

Anyway, I am trying to incorporate my new inspiration seeking goal as often as possible. The 'everyday' part of it isn't happening yet... but I'll get there. My family has been doing our best to have new experiences and adventures and we've been pretty successful.

Here's to finding your inspirations, cheers!

The small things

2010-12-27T12:05:00.000-08:00

My goals for 2011:
Since this very well may be the last full year the human race survives on this planet (end of Mayan calendar), I have only one goal. Find inspiration. Everday. Simply.

Footnote to said goal is to document; in picture, in writing, in expressed love and joy.

You might think this sounds like a severe case of ADD, but to me this is really living. Every moment.

I challenge you to do the same, it might be more difficult than you think. Slowing down long enough to recognize the beauty all around is the real challenge to be overcome. The rest is easy... just enjoy.

One year... 36 lbs

2010-12-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

Just about a year ago I finally got fed up with the sheer volume of how much of me there was to love. We had just moved, hubs was on the job hunt yet again, and life was full of unexpected twists and turns. I wasn't able to keep up. Everyday my body ached and cried out for less to lug around. I was lonely and depressed. So the journey began. Lets see what worked and didn't...
*Bought treadmill and good shoes...
Definitely helped jump start things. Thank goodness for Netflix and networks who stream their shows. The distraction would keep me on for up to 90 mins at a time. Shoes that I liked and felt good certainly gave me one less reason why I didn't want to. Finding the time wasn't always easy, but then again I love to make excuses.
*Started taking multi vitamins...
On the advice of a friend, I tried Spark (Advocare) first. Yes it initially gave me energy, and an annoying stomach ache. After a week or two the effects wore off and I gave up. Researched various nutrients and minerals with emphasis on women's health, weight loss, and depression. Found a formula that seemed to have a nice balance of what I felt would be important to me. I could feel a subtle difference overall and do think this helped get my chemistry balanced.
*Found a local meetup.com group...
Depression is a vicious cycle and loneliness was killing me. Faced my social fears and forced myself out of the house. While there are MANY benefits to working at home, social interaction is not one of them. I was so lucky to find a group of women that were welcoming and had similar interests right off the bat. I know this isn't typical and sometimes it takes many tries and I was prepared for the trial and error.
*Got a walking partner...
As the spring and summer allowed, I got out there with a friend and walked away our issues. Talk about inexpensive therapy!! I think most of our walks were spent airing our grievances about husbands, kids, our thighs, life in general. But at least we had a healthy release and we both felt soooo much better every single time. We also shared so many epiphanies about health and weight loss and mental blocks. This step in my healthy journey was by far the most effective.
*Water, water, more water...
I find that if I have a glass of water with a straw in it at the ready, I will drink it without a second thought. Peeing all day is a little annoying, but I watched the scale tip in my favor almost every day. There are many times that I start slacking on the water and the stubbornness of the needle on the scale is proof positive that water and LOTS of it is essential.

Yes I still have my struggles and challenges. Yes I still have dark and lonely days, but more often I have good ones. I am 36 lbs lighter (as of this morning) and I have clothes that fit. I don't end everyday in pain. I don't need medications to make me feel normal (I was teetering for a time). I can find small victories everyday and even sometimes... joy!

I'm a work in progress and I always will be. But I like me.

What's my body shape? I'd have to say "Big Bird"

2010-12-03T13:42:00.000-08:00

The feeling of being 'tiny' was fleeting. Probably back in August, I hit a point in my weight loss journey where my body was changing more rapidly than my amazed mind could keep up with. I felt so little! Measureably, not much has changed since then although I am comfortably in the smallest size pants I have worn in 10 years.

Now I see all the lumps and bumps again. Where did they come from? Where they there in August? How did I not notice them before?? And what the heck are these flabby hunks of flesh taking up residence on my ribcage?! Humpf! I know, I know, it's so very easy to see the dark, self-loathing aspect of it all instead of congratulating myself on how far I've come.

On a positive note, I've started doing Zumba which after 2 classes I have decided to start taking tylenol pre-emptively. Yeah it's beating me up! I enjoy the movement and the crazy enthusiastic women who don't give a crap how insane they get when they are in the zone. They're awesome! Tonight and tomorrow are flashmob rehearsals with the mobbing happening tomorrow afternoon somewhere in Seattle. Really excited about that, it's a fun routine! And if it rains... we'll stand under my umbrella... ella... ella...

Siren Song of the Candy Monster

2010-11-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

It calls to me...
It promises to soothe all my bad feelings for at least a second or two...

Somehow I realize that once again I am standing in front of the Halloween bucket of candy with an empty wrapper falling from my fingertips. Ugh, I didn't even want this stupid hunk of chocolate, so why am I eating it?? Because it's there. There never has to be any other reason than simply... because it's here. Normally, I let the kids devour as much as their little tummies can handle on the night of trick-or-treating, brush their teeth and call it done! But this year we're all fighting colds and not feeling the greatest so I limited their intake. But at what cost? My waistline and sanity, that's what! Stupid candy calls to me all day long and when the kids ask for it, I am able to put their health first and say no. Why can't I say no to myself? I need a plan to make it disappear that doesn't include it entering my mouth.

After I have just one more...

My family lives in the eye of my storm

2010-10-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

I am like a one-mom production crew when it comes to the life my family lives. I have been SO stressed out with new changes at work, new changes in our routines, things I keep forgetting until the last moment, money, bills, everyone else's needs.... you get the idea. I had a 20 minute meeting with my calendar this morning and consulted all the hidden places I keep stashing all the things I need to do and tried to get it all in a centralized location. Time will tell if I was successful in this feeble attempt at organization. BREATHE

Need to fit in some afternoon/evening stretching/yoga/exercise. I have been dealing with tension headaches for the past week (I also think an evil bra was a contributor as well). My more-wonderful-than-usual husband was kind enough to try and work out a tiny percentage of the kinks running down from my skull to mid back. I have this nagging feeling that getting back into a good full body stretching/exercise routine would be EXTREMELY helpful. Have I convinced my lazy booty to do it yet? Well... no, not completely... but I will attempt it. Small steps.

Also, what the hell is up with increased flab with no weight gain?? The scale today told me 170.8 which made me perfectly happy and yet... there are areas of flab that are much more grab-able and squishy. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Not nice... maybe my body is trying to convince my brain to get focused on the task at hand.

Here we go... wish me luck!

Look OUT! The food pyramid is crashing to the ground!

2010-10-08T21:52:00.000-07:00

HAH! Did I really say "portion control"???? Yeah... okay... maybe a teeny bit of that going on. It's been snack city around here today. In my weak defense, I was a work-a-holic today with little time for making good eating choices. The kids and I ate a loaf of banana bread. That was our lunch and snacks. Balanced? Not even close, but hey, it could've been a drive through just to keep us going. Of course that would have required my leaving the house which is not commonplace when work is keeping me busy. Pizza for dinner and the one redeeming item... SALAD!! With a high fat dressing!! Yes I have read every diet tip, I have taken classes taught by dietitians. What I am saying is, YES... I know better. To top it off, we went to a football game and when I told the kids they could buy one snack item each they also brought back popcorn "for your snack mom!" so of course I had to eat that and now I wanna HURL. Once made of corn... maybe. Now has more chemical entities than a mad-scientist's lab... definitely. EW, stomach ache express here we come!

Going walking in the AM, by myself if I must... oh and water, water, WATER!

Stagnant like a slimy pond

2010-10-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

So this week my scale seems to be broken. Blame it on the inanimate object without feelings. On the plus side... not gaining for not trying real hard. Consciously working on portion size and control. For the first time in my life I am able to look at the food left before me knowing I am no longer hungry and NOT shovel it in until I burst. That's right, I have even thrown it away! I don't have to eat it because it tastes good or because it shouldn't go to waste or hell, even the usual: it's there.

Although I am not making progress I should be proud that I am strong and I have changed my life-long habits that were causing me constant grief! So why am I still not jazzed? Who knows, my mood has taken a plummet, probably just life crowding in and blocking the sun while the dark dirty algae multiplies in my soul. Ok, ok, so it's not that bad.... anyone who knows me knows that I never sink that low (or rarely anyway). So I'm just going to deal with the things within my realm of control and those that I can't, well... screw 'em!

Slowly progressing toward wanting to exercise again. Goal for this week is to take advantage of the last of the beautiful fall weather and get outside! Only I can make me.

New week and... blah blah blah you know the rest

2010-10-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

Almost forgot to hop on the scale this morning, that's how little I have been caring lately about tracking and managing my weight goals. Dang it! Why am I struggling? Not really sure... Seems that I am happy to be where I am at, but then again.... not really. I am so ecstatic to not be making excuses of why my clothes don't fit or why I am hovering over the 200 lbs mark. But there is still alittle piece of me that has now become accustomed to being back at a much more reasonable size for my body and now thinks ICK! YOU SHOULD BE DOING BETTER THAN THIS! And what proactive and motivating activity does this alter-ego push me to do? Run a mile? no... Ride my bike? no.... Go for a walk? no, no, no! Take a bath and crawl into bed in the afternoon? BINGO!

Who doesn't battle with self-sabotage? We all do everyday. I don't care if someones life appears magical from the outside, even the most confident and happiest people are plagued with self doubt. We fight it every minute of every day. The most important weapon when fighting the bloody battle within your own brain is to always find the tiniest shred of a positive side to cling on to. What's mine? I have an amazing support system! I have a husband who is FINALLY on board with getting healthier and making positive changes. I have found a group of truly amazing and brave women who not only push me and encourage me to keep trying but are honest with each other and themselves. Women live in a world that makes it so hard to be real and talk about the nitty gritty and be confident that we won't be stoned in a public square for being open and honest. I also am confident in most of the decisions I make for my family. Sometimes I screw it up, but whatever, can't go back and change it, so work with it and move forward, right?

So here we go! Working with it and moving forward!
(And my wieght today? A yo-yo-ing 174)

Further proof that I am vanishing

2010-09-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

I really thought this time I would be able to not burn myself out by not writing every day. Here I am again self-destructing! Well not yet anyway. Just got a little shocker and had to share. Had to remind myself to get on the scale this morning and write it down.... which I did and not much has changed in a couple weeks. I decided to update my little tracker on the side and realized it was about damn time I took my measurements again (as much as I dread it and think it's pointless) since it's been, what, like 5 months?? At my last measurement I had lost 1 measley inch in the whole 4 months of tracking. So after 5 months more of NO tracking.... add another 10 inches of disappearing flesh!! WHAT?? IMPOSSIBLE!! Not all in one area of course but spread over hips, waist and bust. Six inches vaporized just from my waist though!! YEAH!!! So after bandaging my toe from dropping the tape measure on it in the heat of the moment, here I am at the keyboard again.

ROUND 2

2010-09-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

SO I took a few months off... yeah so what?
Actually, I really felt like I was getting no where and it's hard to write about it and be honest when you aren't really trying. Somehow though, in the midst of all my wallowing in self pity and negativity... I met some great ladies and made some friends (shocking, I know). This was a HUGE boost to my outlook and life improved, I started trying again, yada yada yada...

One of my fabulous new friends has been overcoming her own hurdles with weight loss and is seeing fantastic results! She is much more dedicated than I am (yeah most people are) and pushes me to get my big ole booty moving. With tremendous focus, dedication and support (that last one is where I came in at) she has shed 50 pounds!! Yeah you better believe I am keeping her around!

With my slightly less enthusiastic ways I was somehow able to lose some weight myself. Since I started keeping this blog way back at the first of the year, I have lost up to, but not exceeding: 35 pounds. Impressive you say?? Well... that was a couple of weeks ago and ever since I got home from vacation I haven't been tracking or putting out the effort. AH! STOP IT! STOP IT NOW! I really don't want to undo all the awesomeness of wearing smaller sizes and having to get new clothes. NEED TO STAY ON TOP!

Yes... Life has been full of more ups and downs then usual, but that relly should be NO excuse. Time to start weighing myself every morning again and tracking what is working/not working. Time to clear all the clutter off of the abandoned treadmill and hop back on. Oh wait a minute... unpacking from vacation, I realized I somehow managed to get home with only one of my good walking shoes. How the hell did I do that you ask? Shucks, I don't know... typical though. So FIRST I need to go get a pair of walking shoes. I guess if I buy the same ones I really can say I have 2 left feet (haha, lame joke I know). So shoes... then treadmill!

Goals: Weigh in the morning, lots more water, smaller portions

New Day New Start

2010-04-05T09:29:00.000-07:00

Sadly, I have fallen off the wagon many times in the last month... So much dedication at first and then... blah...

But I had planned on making a new start and I woke up to an unusually beautiful day with the sun smiling brightly at me! Hooray! Ready to make a fresh start! Going to get my excercise outside today and soak up some much needed vitamin D.

afternoon hike

2010-03-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

Ventured out into the beautiful afternoon sunshine searching for the alleged pod of orcas that have been hanging around the Seattle ferry lines. What I didn't know was that the beach front park I was attempting to make my lounging pad and viewpoint was quite a hike from the easily accessed street front parking lot. Getting there worried me slightly as we wound our way through trails dotted with giant evergreens and then down a fair grade and down and down and down until we reached the sound. Beautiful warm spring afternoon, smell of saltwater in the air and my kids having a ball. Finally, as the sun is sinking lower and I am thinking if it gets any lower I will be concerned for our safety in an unfamiliar park that was quite a hike to get into, we make our return. My sweet innocent babes find a set of stairs that lead in a slightly different direction from the trail that I know will be burning my thighs by the time I reach the sweaty top.
Sure, let's go that way, why not?
An easy dozen or so man made steps in the side of a forest cliff and a turn. Another dozen or so and my breathing is getting quicker as we are steadily scaling what I am now sure is a giant mountain that my car is precariously perched atop. Oh look, another dozen or so before they seem to disappear at what must be near the end. Nope, another turn and more f-ing stairs. At this point I am wishing that whatever little rock is preventing my car from plummeting down the mountain and staight into me would slip. Believe it or not, more stairs. My breath is getting ragged and my normally energetic beyond belief kids are trying to hand off their pails and shovels and collection of beach treasures to me because they are feeling the burn. If I stop now, it may take a mountain climbing rescue crew a week to find me. More stairs. At least any threat of danger or violence I had envisioned in a starnge park has long ago disappeared since the only thing my oxygen deprived brain can comprehend is that there... are... more... stairs...
At some point as the madness left my brain and sanity returned, I realize we're back at the scenic overlook portion of the trail and we survived the never ending stairs from hell. Now if we can just figure out where the parking lot is from here in the last rays of the beautiful afternoon sun we can catch our breath on the long ride home!

Needless to say, I got my workout outside today...

Nailing myself down

2010-03-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

Had a wake up call not only from my kids again (love their enthusiasm!) but also from a terrific friend. She has a very motivational website aimed at getting you healthier (http://fittipdaily.com) which I love to read! She gave me a mention today and it has helped me want to get back in the game. My motivation has been so low and my desire to need exercise... well... let's be honest, it sucks! I know if I just kick my butt and get my head wrapped around it again it will get easier. Support is always helpful, so Thanks Adria! Back to making me feel held accountable again!

http://fittipdaily.com/blog-your-way-to-a-thinner-you-5021/
My kiddos have been grabbing my hands every night and excitedly shoving me toward the tv with cries of, "time to workout mom!!" Love those little monkies! They even make me move on to the harder levels of the workout if we've already done the easier ones. They laugh at me when I moan and groan, but they MAKE me do it. Pretty amazing!

2010-03-10T07:21:00.001-08:00

I hopped on the scale fully expecting a big disappointment, but it wasn't so bad!

weight: 197.4

losing again

2010-03-04T08:49:00.001-08:00

Made it all the way through with Jillian last night. It wasn't an all out attemt, but if I had given it my all I would have given up! So cheers to me! So far this morning I am able to walk, but that might not be the case later this afternoon.

WEDNESDAY

2010-03-03T14:24:00.000-08:00

Here's my weigh in: NO CHANGE

It's my own damn fault, lets be honest, I have been sliding. We've been down to the remnant groceries which add up to alot of crap. Going grocery shopping in a little bit to restock the good stuff! Going to try to keep up with Jillian and her ass-kicking dvd this week.

Jillian is a big meanie

2010-03-02T11:41:00.000-08:00

I attempted the 20 minute SHRED workout with Jillian. I made it through 10 minutes of the "beginner" workout and I hurt. ALL OVER! She really beat me up!

Might not live through it

2010-03-01T15:14:00.000-08:00

OK, wish me luck.... I have a date with Jillian's DVD and it will probably kill me, but here I go!

BLERG

2010-02-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

Feeling like Melissa on the Biggest Loser. I keep yo-yoing and can't seem to get a grip on it. Some days I feel challenged to keep going and others it's a struggle to survive the day.

weight: 199
waist: 43
hips: 46
bust: 44

weight lost this week: -2.6

2010-02-22T13:10:00.001-08:00

Last week was really tough. Today we start a new schedule in our house which will hopefully allow for more exercise time for me. Off to a fresh start!

BUSY busy busy

2010-02-19T09:02:00.001-08:00

This week has been insane! I have had a few jam-packed stressful days filling in while my boss is out of town. Maybe the stress is filling in for the exercise I am missing?? Probably not. Anyway, I will try to get in some Jillian Michaels.

Good Luck

Wednesday weigh in

2010-02-17T09:02:00.000-08:00

New day for weigh in! I was thinking that Mondays are just too stressful for me to feel good about weighing in and that's what this WHOLE thing is all about, right? Feeling good? Yep, so todays the day!!

weight: 196.4

waist: 43
hips: 46
bust: 44

weight lost since last weigh in: 2.8
inches lost: 0

Spread joy

2010-02-15T12:01:00.000-08:00

Had a super great walk on the treadmill this morning! It was a nice weekend enjoying my family and today marks the start of a new week and new goals! According to my birthday horoscope, following the tradgedies of the last 2 years I have an amazing year in store. I'm looking ahead with hopeful eyes and taking in my grip the things that are under my control and letting go of those that are not. I've also decided to participate in the kind words campaign and encourage anyone reading this to do the same.
It is simply this: At least one day a week, if not more, say at least one encouraging thing to someone who needs it. Say something uplifting, positive and true. Say it without expectation, but with the intention of spreading good in the world. Mean what you say. Notice the difference.

2010-02-13T11:28:00.000-08:00

So my writing has been as choatic and sporatic as my workouts and they are both a reflection of my life at the moment! At least the lonliness is subsiding. Having the occasional visits from family has been helping. Just got done doing a quick house pickup, maybe since I went fast, I burned more calories?? A girl can hope!

GO!

2010-02-10T10:13:00.000-08:00

I am not trying to make a change, I am fighting for my life! I want my life back, I want to feel confident and good! I don't want to be tired, or depressed, or self-concious. I am back on board and ready to kick butt!

90 minutes on the treadmill, almost 5 miles and 770 cals burnt!!

Thanks Tina for the encouragement, it really did help!

Moving on

2010-02-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

It's Tuesday and I am writing. The writing helps get me through the day and motivates me to get my big ole booty on track! I need to do some grocery shopping and get the house full of healthy food again. When the shelves start getting bare we tend to eat the wierd stuff that is left and often it's the unhealthiest stuff that makes it on the menu. I had a fish(stick) taco the other night and it was pretty nasty. The saving ingredient was the massive amounts of fresh cabbage I drowned those little fishsticks in. Cabbage is good, right? Eww, it was nasty, who am I kidding?? Wishing my Jillian Michaels video would get here...

Self-sabotage

2010-02-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

Seriously, I have fallen and I can't get up. There will be no weigh in today! I have been bad, bad, bad! I ate crap and alot of it. I couldn't find time to get on the treadmill. Work has been overwhelming and my husbands schedule throws off my workout time. Going to try, try, again! I won't give up on myself, especially since I am seeing some progress. The next 2 weeks are going to be hard, but I will TRY.

Honesty drops pounds

2010-02-04T12:33:00.000-08:00

I think it worked... I vented and told myself the truth and whatever I was holding back seems to be letting loose. My body is cooperating despite my efforts at sabotage! Don't know how I am going to make it through the weekend with Saturday being International Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast Day. I mean it is an international holiday and all! Better opt for the fat free...

What is with me??

2010-02-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

Here it is, the truth I mean. I have been unmotivated, and maybe not completely honest with myself. I try to eat well and tell myself good job and then later, rationalize eating candy. I think that I've worked hard and I deserve it. I walk on the treadmill one day and then take the next off. What is going on with me? One week I managed 6 days and last week it was like 3. I'm so happy when I do a great job and the next day I'm tired and not feeling like it. Finding room in my busy day has been hard, that's no joke. Balancing my job, my kids and my husband's nutty schedule trying to squeeze in treadmill time... YIKES!

Maybe letting out the frustration will help me move forward. I ordered Jillian Michaels Shred workout, maybe a change in the workout will help too. Gotta keep trying!

Oh well

2010-02-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

Here it is.... Monday again. We had company for the weekend and I definately fell off the wagon! I ate, and it was GOOD. I didn't exercise. But life goes on. If I made any progress last week, I quickly erased all the effort in a mere two days. But I am still feeling optimistic and will jump back in!

weight: 199.2
waist: 43
hips: 46
bust: 44

Weight lost this week: -0.2
inches lost: 0

OOPS

Alternative activites calorie counter

2010-01-29T12:33:00.000-08:00

Not feeling the urge to exercise today. I AM eating smart and feeling a little better about my efforts. A day or two off won't hurt a thing and I will find activities to keep me moving. A little gardening would burn some calories and give my brain some much needed fresh air. Cleaning the house always tires me out... that should just about make up for it!

A break from smelling sweaty!

Some great activities for burning calories:
A one-hour hike will burn you 438 calories.
In addition to burning 511 calories per hour, ice skating is a great cardiovascular exercise.
Group activites like basketball condition your entire body along with whittling 584 calories an hour.
Jumping rope is cheap, increases coordination and balance at up to 730 calories an hour.
Inline skating burns an incredible 913 calories an hour, yet it is easy on your joints.

Keeping in mind that Valentine's day is around the corner... here is a wesite that lists calories burnt during naughty activities (it's VERY specific!!) http://calorielab.com/news/2008/02/12/calories-burned-during-sex/

Wink, wink

Info exchange

2010-01-28T09:11:00.000-08:00

Here are some fantastic articles I came across that are no nonsense easy to follow advice! Thanks Adria!!
5 Foods that fight fat
Hungry Girl gives great tips
Need more willpower?

A long-time friend of mine is a personal fitness trainer who has battled with her weight and health in the past. She has so much knowledge to share so she started a website: http://fittipdaily.com/ with great articles and daily tips. Check it out and remember to check back daily for quick and interesting reads that just might give you that extra edge!

Wednesday slump

2010-01-27T18:22:00.000-08:00

Walked to the Biggest Loser again. Boy, that's a fast way to do 80-90 minutes and burn 450 calories! Feeling a little down today, but trying to look forward to Hawaii-- want to feel good in a swimsuit! Keep going mama!!

Body Chemistry 101

2010-01-26T10:04:00.000-08:00

I watched a very interesting documentary yesterday called "Fat: What No One Is Telling You". If you have Netflix, it's available in the instant watch section.It really delves into how there are so many different causes for obesity and that there is no one clear solution. I think it makes some very important points that most people don't understand or know. We all want to lose weight, but how many people actually take the time to learn about body chemisty, metabolism, and nutrition? There is no magic formula of diet and exercise that will suddenly cause massive weight loss and solve your own personal health issues. It is an individual journey of trial and error and the more knowledge you can arm yourself with, the more successful you will be. We have to be our own personal dietitions, trainers and physicians at home because only the super rich can afford to have a fulltime staff armed with that kind of knowledge. Medical science is still catching up on these issues as well.

So my advice is study like it's a class you can't fail! Take an academic approach and try try try again!

MONDAY - need I say more?

2010-01-25T08:35:00.000-08:00

Still very tired following a crazy weekend and a Sunday night battle of wills with my son. Does getting mad burn calories? It should, it sure takes a lot out of a person! Toward the end of last week I was stepping on the scale and registering a whole pound less than I did this morning... grrrr. Oh well, maybe it will disappear by next week and look even better...

weight: 199
waist: 43
hips: 46
bust: 44
weight lost this week: 1.2
inches lost: 0

I've been working so hard on the treadmill it would be nice to have some movement in the measurements. Some days I am on for over an hour, which don't get me wrong, feels GREAT! I've even been doing some light jogging (not my favorite thing). Going to try hard to keep it up and keep seeing some progress.

Busy day ahead

2010-01-22T10:18:00.000-08:00

Here comes the weekend and you know what that means... all the things that have to get done crammed into 2 days mixed with family visits and extracuricular activities with the kids. Try to squeeze in a little me time, treadmill time, not eat like a maniac and smile all the time. I am excited for the Monday weigh in and stat update... I've been working hard and my checks throughout the week have been showing progress!

Kick ass!

I will say NO...

2010-01-21T12:10:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling difficult... I want to argue and complain and I don't know why! I had a very successful morning getting the kids through the morning routine and off to school while fitting in a little treadmill time. I'm going to be extra vigilant today with my eating as these kind of moods often lead to some crazy foods getting in. I don't even know how it happens. I can't possibly be responsible for the fat-loaded artery-clogging waist-expanding that I know is bad for me food sneaking it's way in. OK, maybe having a glutton fest is a more appropriate description and yes, I am completely responsible! That's why today I will be a model of self control!

Sunny mood to match a beautiful day!

2010-01-20T09:18:00.000-08:00

The sun is out again and I got up early and hit the treadmill! I love that you can watch older episodes of your favorite shows online, best idea ever! I got caught up on Biggest Loser which made me want to work harder and the time just flew... after 90 minutes, nearly 5 miles, I burned 490 calories!!! I feel great, my mood is bright and I am ready for a great day!

I rewarded myself with a wonderful healthy breakfast of a whole grain english muffin with fresh spinich, egg whites, and a slice of cheese. A giant glass of water and I feel fantastic!! I don't feel that I am losing much weight this week, but I feel good and stronger so I think my muscle tone is improving and gaining mass.

YAY ME! And yay for Ryan too, I think he is feeling a little inspired today. He just hopped on the treadmill and set it for "weight loss" *whew* he's a brave man!

Still riding my sunshine high

2010-01-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

Yum! Last night I made a very simple one dish meal that was fantastic!! Sliced sweet potatoes, carrots, tossed with olive oil fresh rosemary, topped with chicken breasts which were then brushed in a quick honey mustard/ balsalmic vinegar glaze. One pan, 375 degrees and HEAVEN!! Super low fat, lots of nutients, and so tasty! Even the kids didn't complain which is comparable to them jumping up and down and shouting, "This totally doesn't SUCK!! Thanks Mom!!" Okay, I have an active imagination... but still... no compaining counts for something.

Beautiful sunshine yesterday kept me outside and working in the yard (every activity burns calories). After a yummy fruit smoothie, compliments of my magic bullet knock-off, I am ready to take this day by the horns and wrestle it into submission! I can tell that exercise is making a big difference in lightening my mood...

Fruit Smoothie: 1 scoop nonfat yogurt, frozen blueberries, frozen cranberries, frozen peach, half grannysmith apple (peel on), handfull fresh spinich, vanilla soy milk, 2 ice cubes

Monday UPDATE

2010-01-18T07:44:00.000-08:00

It's Monday again. I am bleary eyed after letting the kiddos crash in my bed last night and not getting alot of sleep. I did my grocery shopping right from my list yesterday and the kitchen is well stocked with healthy things. I weighed myself this morning and although I haven't slipped below that bad, bad cutoff number of 200, I am still losing which is the important part! I took a nutrition class about 10 years ago and the dietition told us that there will always be a 1-2 week lull shortly after beginning any healthy regimen that is simply your body adjusting and countering the changes so that it can figure out what the hell is going on. That is the point that many people call it quits because it seems hopeless. I have been working my but off on the treadmill 5-6 days a week as well as drastically changing my diet so I must be on the right track.

weight: 200.2
waist: 43
hips: 46
bust: 44
weight lost this week: 1.6
inches lost: 1

YAHOO

Dangling Carrots

2010-01-15T20:17:00.000-08:00

I am so excited I had to hop on for round 2 today! My husband and I decided on a trip to Hawaii in August for our 10th anniversary. That means we have exactly 7 months to lose love handles and be bathing suit worthy! Nothing like a super exciting goal to motivate you!

So I thumbed through my new Biggest Loser Family Cookbook and made a shopping list. Healthy meals, healthy snacks and by God, exercise for my thunder thighs! No sweat... well, probably alot of sweat but a big reward in the end!

Live Mighty

oh, and a big CONGRATS to C & M on thier healthy beautiful baby boy!!

Successfully distracted! Oxymoron? I think not!

2010-01-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

I've found that I can stay on the treadmill longer if I have something to keep my mind occupied. I've been watching some ridiculous (but entertaining) TV shows that are hour long programs which translates into 45 minute walks once the commercials are nixed. Thank goodness for on demand, networks that support full episodes, and... Netflix! They really keep me going (literally!). Today was 46 min, 350 cal, 2 miles! Oh YEAH!

I think in the future I may give audiobooks a try. I hear you can download plenty for free and a friend of mine swears she's never gotten more done around the house before she discovered them. Any distraction that can keep you from thinking of the mile long list of reasons why you won't achieve something makes success so much easier!!!!

Here's a link for info on TEXT donations to the Red Cross for relief for earthquake hit Haiti
http://www.swaggrabber.com/

**Shout out to my brother-in-law Matt who is taking the very difficult step toward getting healthy. You can do it!!!

Today's Specials

2010-01-14T12:21:00.000-08:00

I got a new family cookbook today focusing on healthy recipes the whole family will love. I think I will go through this afternoon and pick out a couple things and make a shopping list. I've got the exercise on track and in my tradition of doing one thing at a time, I think it's time to start adjusting the menu! One thing I have found about cookbooks is that if it isn't packed with pictures I have a hard time wanting to make the recipes. I have other healthy cookbooks that I've cracked open once or twice and the pages have never seen the light of day again... so now that I know that about myself I can keep the frustration and desire to just quit under control.

Get to know your triggers. Identifying the specific things that slow you down can make an enormous difference! Do the things that make you more likely to be successful (no matter how silly or stupid).

2010-01-13T12:23:00.000-08:00

Feeling a little better today I decided to hit the treadmill. While I was walking it felt just fine, but when I hopped off I realized my extremely low caloric intake of the last couple of days was a bad mix with exercise. I'm feeling dizzy and light headed. Good thing it was only 30 minutes and 220 calories burnt. I kept down a 6 inch Subway veggie delight last night so I think I am on the mend...

Bad way to start the day

2010-01-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

Last night at about 3 AM while I was emptying the contents of my tortured stomache I realized why my mood has been so dark. I've been on an ick rollercoaster for a couple of days but as usual life moves too quickly to take the time out to care for myself and notice that I hadn't been feeling well. So today is rest and feel better day! I'm on an apple juice diet (the only thing that sounds even a little okay) and at least I will try to keep hydrated today as my body recovers.

Since I won't be sharing anything of particular interest, here is some good reading for you...

http://fittipdaily.com/ get the lastest healthy tips from a dear friend of mine

http://www.cookinglight.com/ try something new and healthy

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/nutrition/snacking.html healthy snacks for kids & teens (make it a family effort)

Monday UPDATE

2010-01-11T09:16:00.000-08:00

The weekend is over. It's dreary and rainy here and I'm feeling the drag this kind of weather brings. I just hopped off the treadmill and my muscles are still feeling all the little electric impulses. I simply set the speed and incline today and spent a constant 43 minutes just walking.

I have been doing my best to increase hydration and with this kind of shift my body will be retaining much more water to replenish the energy I am using as well as condition the areas of my body that aren't used to as much physical activity. With that in mind here are the stats:

weight: 201.8
waist: 43
hips: 47
bust: 44

Which means no movement in the measurements, but that will come with time. I've lost a total of 4.2 lbs! Hopefully I can combat my poopy mood with exercise and by this time next week I will have fallen below that dreaded 200 lb mark!

Here comes the weekend

2010-01-08T09:19:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! It's Friday and despite a mid week lull in my motivation, I am feeling great! Had a Kashi bar for breakfast, jumped on the treadmill and after 43 minutes, 2.13 miles, drumroll please.... 338 calories! Of course the calories are calculated by the preprogrammed treadmill that has never asked for my weight, height or other stats which would be used to accurately calculate caloric use.

Old Navy has 75% off in the clearance section today and there is quite a bit of activewear in that section. I ordered a few things thinking that my kickstart deserves a reward. Putting on something I like also increases my wanting to work out. So now if I can survive the weekend and be ready for my Monday weigh in...

Oh yeah~ my daughter's pearl of wisdom today while she watched me on the treadmill... Mommy, your tummy doesn't even look fat

Cheers!

Doing the job is all about the right tools

2010-01-07T14:42:00.000-08:00

I decided that if I am going to do this, I should do it right and not guess. So I went to the store today and upgraded my crappy bathroom scale with the number dial to a digital that is supposed to be accurate within .2 of a pound. No offense to my husband who bought me the old scale as a gift (I had asked for it, he doesn't have a death wish). So as of today, here is my accurate weight...

204.4 lbs (still yikes!)

I am going to assume that the old scale was correct and still consider 206 as my jumping off point because let's face it, it made me want to jump off a cliff. I did not hop back on the treadmill last night as I'd hoped, my husband has started working odd hours and I didn't want to wake him as he is settling into his new routine. I do have my sneakers on now so I might as well get my big ole booty out of this chair and climb some mountains!

Like Miley says "...it's the climb"

I cried like a loser watching "Biggest Loser"

2010-01-06T12:05:00.000-08:00

Last night I sat down with a bowl of ice cream... fat free people! I turned on the tube and decided to watch "Biggest Loser" for the first time ever. Now I understand all the excitement! It was motivating and heart wrenching and YES, I did connect on some spiritual level with those giant sad beautiful people. I didn't want to see any of them go, it just wasn't fair!! And... I even cried like a big dummy. I'm thinking that in the future I should probably watch it on NBC's website the next day so I can hop on the treadmill at the same time.

"Biggest Loser" did inspire me to take horrific pictures of myself this morning which I will not be posting yet. At some point, when I am past the shock of seeing my gargantuan self I will post for the world to see along with updates of my progress.

30 minutes on the treadmill this morning on the "weight loss" setting, 200+ calories burnt and I may go back for more this afternoon... If only I could balance my laptop from there and work...

My beautiful little inspiration

2010-01-05T13:21:00.000-08:00

I sat down at my computer this morning and started working right away... which is a good thing. My 4 year old daughter asked me over and over when I was going to do my walking. Finally when I reached a stopping point, I grabbed my sneakers and said, "Now, Noelle, I'm going to do my walking NOW!" She smiled and told me that she loves it when I walk and she loves it when we eat healthy!

If that isn't a reason to do this, I don't know what is. I made a promise when she was born to keep her healthy and happy and to not let her suffer through adolescence feeling the same inadequacies that my sister and I did. And before you get the wrong idea, I will not give her body image issues, give her a need to set unrealistic expectations, or make her feel anything other than what she truly is... BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING! I simply want to lay the foundations for her to make smart healthy choices without having to think twice or punish and dislike herself for always making the easy bad choices.

So today I walked for 45 minutes, over 2 miles and burned over 300 calories (alledgedly).

I'm still feeling motivated! A friend suggested that I take a picture of myself in a bikini to compare as time goes on. What is this "bikini"? It seems like a familiar word buried in the receses of distant past memories but I simply can't force myself to recognize it...

I will take pics and maybe as time goes on and I have some guts to show the progress, I'll post. Maybe

My mission

2010-01-04T09:44:00.000-08:00

Starting my first blog...

Well, I've been struggling to survive dreary winter days and a near constant self-loathing to match. But this is a new year... I'm 30... I weigh 206 pounds (YIKES!!!)... and I haven't been pregnant in 5 years (no longer an excuse)...

I'm going to do everything better. Love my husband and children more, be motivated to work (not internet shop), be proactive! I bought a treadmill January 1 and this is a new beginning and this blog will provide me acountability for my actions. We just moved to a new town and life has been given a new start! Here we go...

weight: 206
waist: 43
hips: 47
bust: 44

mood: hopeful, creative, open