So my writing has been as choatic and sporatic as my workouts and they are both a reflection of my life at the moment!  At least the lonliness is subsiding.  Having the occasional visits from family has been helping.  Just got done doing a quick house pickup, maybe since I went fast, I burned more calories??  A girl can hope!

GO!

I am not trying to make a change, I am fighting for my life!  I want my life back, I want to feel confident and good!  I don't want to be tired, or depressed, or self-concious.  I am back on board and ready to kick butt!

90 minutes on the treadmill, almost 5 miles and 770 cals burnt!!

Thanks Tina for the encouragement, it really did help!

Moving on

It's Tuesday and I am writing.  The writing helps get me through the day and motivates me to get my big ole booty on track!  I need to do some grocery shopping and get the house full of healthy food again.  When the shelves start getting bare we tend to eat the wierd stuff that is left and often it's the unhealthiest stuff that makes it on the menu.  I had a fish(stick) taco the other night and it was pretty nasty.  The saving ingredient was the massive amounts of fresh cabbage I drowned those little fishsticks in.  Cabbage is good, right?  Eww, it was nasty, who am I kidding??  Wishing my Jillian Michaels video would get here...

Self-sabotage

Seriously, I have fallen and I can't get up.  There will be no weigh in today!  I have been bad, bad, bad!  I ate crap and alot of it.  I couldn't find time to get on the treadmill.  Work has been overwhelming and my husbands schedule throws off my workout time.  Going to try, try, again!  I won't give up on myself, especially since I am seeing some progress.  The next 2 weeks are going to be hard, but I will TRY.

Honesty drops pounds

I think it worked... I vented and told myself the truth and whatever I was holding back seems to be letting loose.  My body is cooperating despite my efforts at sabotage!  Don't know how I am going to make it through the weekend with Saturday being International Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast Day.  I mean it is an international holiday and all!  Better opt for the fat free...

What is with me??

Here it is, the truth I mean.  I have been unmotivated, and maybe not completely honest with myself.  I try to eat well and tell myself good job and then later, rationalize eating candy.  I think that I've worked hard and I deserve it.  I walk on the treadmill one day and then take the next off.  What is going on with me?  One week I managed 6 days and last week it was like 3.  I'm so happy when I do a great job and the next day I'm tired and not feeling like it.  Finding room in my busy day has been hard, that's no joke.  Balancing my job, my kids and my husband's nutty schedule trying to squeeze in treadmill time... YIKES! 

Maybe letting out the frustration will help me move forward.  I ordered Jillian Michaels Shred workout, maybe a change in the workout will help too.  Gotta keep trying!

Oh well

Here it is.... Monday again.  We had company for the weekend and I definately fell off the wagon!  I ate, and it was GOOD.  I didn't exercise.  But life goes on.  If I made any progress last week, I quickly erased all the effort in a mere two days.  But I am still feeling optimistic and will jump back in!

weight: 199.2
waist: 43
hips: 46
bust: 44

Weight lost this week: -0.2
inches lost: 0

OOPS